Now is the time of the year on the farm where things feel like a stuffed up dam. The weather is nutty-- wet and warm-ish one minute, frozen the next. In just a couple weeks we will be in the greenhouse, planting away for some early spring crops and getting seedlings ready for the early summer too. It's the time where I am so fed up with winter. I'm not fed up because I don't like the cold, or snow- I do. I'm fed up because I want to move without slogging, I want my knuckles buried deep in soil. I want the arrival of baby chicks, I want clean barns. I want sun burn. I want to order our supplies- something that is weighing on me every day and waking me up in the middle of the night. Wanting, it's good for you- it keeps you working. You can't let it overtake the now, so I'm trying to remind myself that exhaustion is only a few weeks away. Heartbreak of fickle weather, dealing with hundreds of chickens- now is still the time to store up the energy for what's to come. But I'm notoriously terrible at waiting and resting.
I've not been sleeping well. I'm looking at a lot of loose ends, and trying to figure out how to make it all happen. I won't lie to you folks, small farm budgeting is enough to keep anyone up at night. We also had hoped to get more done in the house over the winter, but things just didn't pan out. It's ok, but it's all contributing to this unease and unrest I'm feeling. This is just what it is right now, it will change again. It's not an unhappy place to be, just a little uncomfortable. But this is place is always the place I get right before the dam bursts and the next steps unfold before us- whatever they may be. It's the place where just when I think things won't come together- and then they do. Often not the way I thought it would- but together none the less.
So here we are. Inches of snow, buried under are logs to be cut into yet more firewood. 50 degrees in the greenhouse. Lettuces on the precipice of fullness, garlic resting under blankets of mulch,draft horses anxious to burn off winter stores (farmers anxious to burn off winter stores too). It's just around the corner, let's see how it all unfolds.